by ralston27 » Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:01 pm
Yes. I used to live at a cheap one bedroom apartment in Tampa,Florida. I had put a one gallon jug of water in the freezer to get cold, but had forgotten about it. I set the frozen jug on the farm table to defrost overnight so I would have cold water in the morning. I awoke the next morning and was thirsty. I wandered into the kitchen to get the water. I didn't turn the light on because I could see well enough and it was early morning. I was reaching for the jug which was on the table at waist height, when I noticed something that felt cold under the arch of my right foot. I thought this was strange and out of the ordinary because my other foot did not feel cold and linoleum usually doesn't get cold in Florida during the summer. I looked down near my foot and saw a long, skinny cable running from under my foot and trailing underneath the table. As I slowly and carefully lifted my foot and stepped back, I noticed it was a very long baby snake. Knowing that 3 of the deadliest snakes live in Florida, knowing that the markings on baby snakes are different than the same species of adult snake, and knowing also that baby snakes are more deadly because they cannot control the amount of venom they secrete when they attack prey did not make my heart race any less. There had been a one inch gap under my front door, where the snake had entered during the night, obviously smelling the water that had dripped onto the kitchen floor through condensation. The retards at the apartment complex had acted puzzled when I had requested "weatherstripping" for my door months earlier. The apartment manager actually did not know what the word meant, and she had so much hair on her face and arms that myself and other renters wondered if she was a man in really bad drag, or had a serious hormone problem. Not knowing what to do, I turned on the kitchen light which was right behind me, fortunately. I didn't want to take my eyes off of the snake, so calling 911 was out of the question. The phone was in the bedroom, and I didn't own a cell at the time. Plus, would a 911 operator really know what to do about a snake, AND would the person they send really know how to get a snake out of my apartment? All these thoughts are racing through my head as I stare at the snake which is not moving, but still very close to my feet(at least the tail is near my feet). Looking around for objects I can throw at it, my eye spots an empty wine bottle. OK, it's worth a shot. I have great eye hand coordination and was a sharpshooter in the Army. I hurl the wine bottle at the snake, totally missing it as it slams into the wall. Now, I've woken up the snake AND pissed it off. This was a very long snake, and it stood up on it's "haunches" so that it was really tall, it opened it's mouth and started to look menacing. I eyed my broom cursing myself for the fact that the handle was made of yellow plastic and not good ole fashioned WOOD. It would have to do. I wacked the snake in the middle with the handle, and tragically missed-again! OY! I suddenly started wacking in a frenzy full of blood-lust and rage. All I wanted was a drink of water and the snake was interrupting my morning. Not to mention the fact that I almost STEPPED on it. By shear luck or grace, the arch of my right foot was high enough so as not to step on it. My heart racing, my arms flailing(they didn't teach us how to kill a snake in the Army)I realized that the snake was mortally wounded and not moving..still, I gave it another wack, just in case. I bagged the snake in a freezer bag and put it in the freezer to show to my stupid hermaphrodite apartment manager on Monday(the office was closed on weekends). When I did show it to her, she looked at me strangely, almost like I was lying, or purposely killed a snake and make the story up. She showed no empathy, gave no apology, and didn't offer to "weatherstrip" my door either. So I gave her the baggy and let her deal with the remains. Needless to say, I don't live there anymore. I did, however feel triumphant at the prospect that I was able to handle myself(and a broom) in the face of danger.